I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
