I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize