Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Congratulations! We have a period
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
