I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize