and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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