Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
