Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
