$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
