I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
