Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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