after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
