My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
