Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
