if only i could text you this smell
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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