We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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