i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
