u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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