Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
