i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize