Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
