that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
