So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
