Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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