I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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