My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
