im having a threesome with these popsicles
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
