Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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