Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
