He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Randomize
