Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
