I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
