Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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