My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
