Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize