Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
