i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
this will be a night to untag.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
