Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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