Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
