she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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