pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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