I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
