just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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