she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
