How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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