my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
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On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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