don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
