I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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