I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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