Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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