Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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