some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
