M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
