I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
