Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your penis caused this!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
