im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
