More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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