Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
