he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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