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He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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