Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
