garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
