so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
