Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
